that awkward moment when you are so grateful to someone and you dont know how to repay them.

shuwen's going to tutor me math for freeeeeeeeeeeee foreva! yayayayayayayyayay~

argh shuwen is so nice! :DDDDDDDD

when i asked her if she can be my part time tutor..

her: sure! how can i help you? time and date please. (:

i was like, "charge me please! if not i'll feel awkward lol"

her: cannot charge you. not qualified enough. if i charge you i'll be more awkward.

and she went on to asking me about topics i dont know so that she can prepare beforehand.

omg.

and then i said it would be short term only since she's going uni.

and she went, " uni also not everyday need to go school. we'll work out sth. (: "

OMG.

SHO NICE OF SHUWEN i'm gonna faint.

and i feel bad.

for always taking advantage of ppl.

haish.

i was thinking of the saying, " when you gain some, you lose some."

like, while i gained the tangible benefit of having free tuition and thereby improving my maths, i lost the implicit cost of feeling indebted to shuwen. i just feel very bad for taking up her time when she could just stay at home and watch her korean dramas or sth lol. i think i can never be so helpful like her cos when my sis asked me qns at home i'll always teach her very impatiently and even not wanting to teach.

yup so, for shuwen, while there's no tangible benefit from tutoring me, there's this implicit benefit of doing good and feeling good about it when you help someone? yeah and of cos, the cost here is the time and effort spent and the opp cost of tutoring me.

my sis says that i am always on the receiving end and my friends are all offering me help and she asked if i even helped anyone. i felt guilty when i said yeah.. lol. actually i think i didn't rlly helped anyone this yr. hmph.

and just when i was thinking about this while crossing the traffic lights after tuition, a cyclist dropped his wallet while cycling across the road. i picked it up and i had to like run after the damned bicycle and i had to shout unglamly, " excuse me! excuse me! stop!" in order to alert the guy lol. like a retard. and there were many ppl behind. :/

but well, at least i did something good today?

yes, giving is indeed better than receiving. (:

oh and, kailin wrote that i am very independent in doing things on my paper with words of appreciation from friends. when i first read it i actually agreed. like i can just study on my own and go toilet, consult etc on my own. but now that i think about it, maybe that's just being anti-social lol. in many other aspects im actually very reliant on others. like studies, i rely on my friends to teach me and remind me etc. and i always dont know what homework is there and where the lecture is at. lol. and like, pw, i asked so many people for help. math and geog, i relied on junhao and adrian. household chores! i relied on my younger sis to do practically everything. I'm a dependent. :/