ah ma passed away on mon 23april.
i didnt want to post.
i didnt want to be reminded of it.
im scared.
im sad.
im regretful.
im sorry.

ah ma is a nice grandmother.
she took care of me when i was young.
she smiled often.
she was cute.
she shielded us from mum's caning.
she played with us.
she carried me out of that stuck position when my head was stucked at the bed's hole.
she was strong.
she is tall.
she is kind.
she is caring.
she doted on us.
we watched tv with her in her room.
we jumped around on her bed.
she was in her late 70s then.

ah ma, im sorry for everything.
sorry for not visiting you when you were alive.
sorry for not bringing food to see you on your birthday and went to the inspiration dinner instead.
im sorry, ah ma.
really.
im unfillial.
i took things for granted.
thank you ah ma for everything, for taking care of me, for bringing me joy.
sorry for leaving you under ah xin's care.
sorry for making you miserable there, eating leftovers, ill-treated by her..
if not you wouldnt have left us so early.
you would have lived to a ripe old age.
ah ma, its all our fault.
sorry ah ma.

ah ma must have become a deity now.
she must be living happily in heaven, isnt she?
ah ma bye bye..
i miss you and i love you. <3